Sunday, May 24, 2009

Food poisoning

I think I have food poisoning. I woke up this morning with extreme dizziness that came out of nowhere. I feel like puking and I didn't drink last night. I fucking hate being sick. I feel so helpless.

Anyway, it's been awhile since I last updated my blog. Not much poker content lately because I just can't find anything interesting from my sessions anymore. After you play for hundreds of thousands of hands it seems like nothing is interesting anymore. I feel like I've seen them all and it's just the matter of improving myself and see where this thing leads me.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm not sure I'll ever be happy playing poker, no matter how much money I make. Ok, maybe when I start making a dollar a hand I'll have a lot more time for other things in my life but at this point of my poker 'career' I'm just not happy at all. I find myself restricted to be in front of my computer all the time, I don't meet new people, I barely have any friends and because of the nature of this 'job', I get lazy a lot. Last night a lot of friends came over my house to visit us and we had a great time. However, half way through the night I wanted to just get up and get in front of my computer and check email and watch Ted talks and other stuff. It hit me right there. I got friends over and I'm thinking about leaving them in the living room and go spend the rest of my time in front of my computer?

I find myself relying too much on just a couple of people in my life for my social needs. When I don't get calls I feel left out. When I get calls I drop everything I do and get out of the door in record time. I have never had so much desire to meet new people but I keep having the excuse of 'not having enough time away from work'. The trouble is, on the rare occasions when I meet new people, I don't have an answer to them when they ask me what I do for a living. I don't mind telling them I play poker for a living but since nobody knows what poker is around here, I have to explain every time. I don't mind the misconceptions that come associated with poker playing. They can think of me in whatever way they want, I don't care. I just hate to explain to them the whys or hows of what I do for a living. This is not me. I've always been pretty good with people I think. I have never had much in quantities in terms of people I know but I've always been able to make it up with qualities. I've always had the good fortune of having great friends. I still do but I just feel a little alone now, but not lonely though. Don't know if i make sense there.

None of this are by no means unsolvable. I need to arrange my time better. Need to be more active in my social life and I'll be fine. In another word, I need to be less lazy. I need to get off my ass to do something about these problems. I'm smart enough to deal with that, I think.

I guess the main point of this post is to warn everyone who's thinking about doing this more seriously. There are side effects. The money is pretty decent and the upside is great, but the side effects may not be as easy to handle as you think. The immense pressure, the constant need to improve, the solitary world you live in and the lack of human interaction are all that you have to deal with. Just make sure you'll have enough balance in your life that you will be able to deal with them efficiently.

1 comment:

dayveed said... profound. So deep. I guess the main thing is probably get out and play some live poker here and there. So you're actually still playing poker, but being very sociable at the same time. Then the friends that you meet will also have the same interests so that you don't have to really explain what you do.

Unless you're thinking of doing something else totally unrelated to poker. DAmn, I can't really imagine the thought of that!